10 Reasons We Don’t Like to Talk About Race

by Eugene Cho 02-23-2009

Last week, I shared a post titled “a nation of cowards” and asked if we’re indeed cowards when it comes to the conversation of racism and the continuous work toward reconciliation.

One thing that is clear to me is that the church is quite silent. We talk often of reconciliation that’s necessary between God and humanity but need to keep pushing forward about how our faith informs and transforms our relationship with one another.

In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ. (Galatians 3.28/The Message)

Why is racism such a difficult topic and issue — including for Christians? Well, here are some of my reasons:

It’s hard work. And people can be lazy. And talking about racism is an exhausting conversation because it brings up some deep questions. Reconciliation is hard work.
Something called ‘Life.’ There’s lots of other things going on — umm, like the financial recession.
Confusion. People don’t like confusion. Folks like clarity and certainty. We like answers.
Conflict. People don’t like conflict and, well, the conversation of racism provokes conflict and strong opinions.
Fear. People are afraid. Afraid to consider the possibilities that we’re racist, prejudiced, or implicated by our silence. Afraid to consider that we live as victims in a “victimized” mentality. Afraid to consider that we need to “give up” something. Afraid to “count the costs.”
Apathy. People don’t care. We’re apathetic. And this is probably the scariest reason.
What? We don’t think it exists. What racism? What prejudice? And this is probably as scary as #6.
How? People don’t know how to talk about racism. We don’t have an agreed upon framework to engage the conversation and move toward peace and reconciliation.
We want to forget the past and just “move forward.” It’s over. Heck, Obama is president. It’s a new day.
[Insert additional reasons].

The topics of racism, prejudice, and reconciliation are indeed painful conversations. While I don’t necessarily believe that the answer lies exclusively with the church, I do believe the answer lies with the gospel. It lies ultimately with the message of ’shalom’ that God intended for humanity to live in fellowship with God and with one another — because we are created in the image of God.

Check out this video about one way we can engage the discussion about racism. Far too often, we end up implicating ‘the person’ leading to lots of anger, confusion, and defensiveness. Many times, it’s best to isolate the act and begin from there.

Eugene Cho, a second-generation Korean-American, is the founder and lead pastor of Quest Church in Seattle and the executive director of Q Cafe, an innovative nonprofit neighborhood café and music venue. He and his wife are also launching a grassroots humanitarian organization to fight global poverty. You can stalk him at his blog, eugenecho.wordpress.com.

Categories: Diversity, Race

Tags: America, apathy, Christian, Christians, church, conflict, eric holder, fear, galatians 3, Gospel, Jesus, nation of cowards, Obama, prejudice, Race, racial recociliation, Racism, racist, recession, reconciliation, Shalom, Video

Pashe

DITE,

I am really curious. What deviations are you trying to add to the conversation?

p

ando

nad, This is my last day of posting for awhile. I've written this ad nausuem. I work in a class where I've had nine African American students this year. they all come from broken families. The PC culture in the US says this is not a problem. It's all the fault of racism that at least 7 of the nine are marginally or significantly below proficient level. I want to change that. The PC culture says it can only come through addressing racism. I agree with Juan Williams who says "Enough!" He says the Black community should take more responsibility over their own lives. The Black friends in my church tend to agree. But they're not in positions of power. One is a woman raising her grandchildren. Another is a single mother. I stay at my church because of them primarily.

From time to time, the local paper addresses single women raising a bunch of children who are successful. the secret ingredient is turn off the tv and make them do their homework. Is that too PC? It is to my school district. they want to reduce the amount of homework that minorities get. It's too hard for them, they say. To me, that's racist. If you disagree, you're just too conservative.

nad2

a man who makes generalizations about black people bullying the narrative on race is finding it hard to find dialogue on the issue. hmm...

letjusticerolldown

I really don't bite that hard. If you address my words that are hurtful I could potentially learn/grow and make right what is wrong.

The essential reason I do not respond to your remarks about the Black community is not that I do not have opinions; it is that most of the time I have concluded it simply is not my assignment (from God) to speak. That is very personal. I infer no meaning from that as to how others ought respond.

I do believe I have an assignment to address other white men about our relationships with black persons. Again, that is my personal sense of what I am to do. That is why I speak directly to you. I have zero interest in just jawboning my life away.

I hear you calling black persons to full accountability for the life that is in their hands. That is all I am calling myself to--and calling you to.

That does not diminish by one iota the significance of our lives and the great things white men can bring to the relationships.

Would you try something with me. Would you value the relationship more than whether you like what I have said?? Would you email me at runwiththechariots at yahoo dot com if private emails would work better than this public conversation?

BuckeyeDon

Good for this young student. He's made some wise decisions in his young life.

I have not so much an objection as an observation about the source of some of the negative behaviors this young student mentions as being stereotypical of his community. I'll let you decide whether this voice comes from the "Left":

"None of us meets the norms or standards of success in all ways. Whether you are the 'wrong' skin color or have the 'wrong hair, pray at the 'wrong' house of worship, drive the 'wrong' car, or live in the 'wrong' neighborhood, we all feel inadequate in some way.

"In South Africa, the victims of the apartheid system often ended up internalizing the definition the system had of them. They began to wonder whether they might not perhaps be somehow as their masters and mistresses defined them. Thus they would frequently accept that the values of the domineering class were worth striving after. And then the awful demon of self-hate and self-contempt, an highly negative self-image, took their place in the center of the victim's being. These demons are corrosive of proper self-love and self-assurance, and eat away at the very vitals of the victim's being.

"This is the pernicious source of the destructive internecine strife to be found, for instance, in the African-American community. Society has conspired to fill you with self-hate, which you then project outward. You hate yourself and destroy yourself by proxy when you destroy those who are like this self you have been conditioned to hate. One of the most blasphemous consequences of injustice and prejudice is that it can make a child of God doubt that he or she is a child of God. But no one is a stepchild of God. No one."
--Bishop Desmond Tutu. God Has a Dream: A Vision of Hope for Our Time. Doubleday, 2005, p. 40

xfree9

Dialogue w/o relationship is more likely to cause tension, which is often the case. But should it be this way? I don't think so. I think black people get to share with all about their experience that the white experience is looked at as a rich kid would be looked at if he were complaining his BMW had a flat tire. Whatever I contribute to the problem notwithstanding, white people have feelings, too.

Yes, there is a race-based generalization in that comment, because it's about race! Blacks have the say-so in oppression, and whites need to learn from the so-called "powerless."

nad2

xfree & ando: i tend to agree w/ ljrd - "dialogue without relationship is problematic." would you agree? along those lines, from these comments about being shut up and the conversation being one-sided, one might question 1.) whether you have minority friends, 2.) if you do, whether these are the people you are trying to talk about race with, and 3.) if so, how good of a friend these people really are to you if they shut you up or won't let you talk about race just because you are white. i suspect you indeed have minority friends, so are these the people you are trying to talk with when you are having these experiences? whatever the answer is to that question, i would be interested to hear about the exchange wherein a person of color, friend or otherwise, was not interested in your perspective because you are white. by the way, do you not see a race-based generalization in your comments about such dialogue only being allowed to be one-sided? ("any attempt to actually dialogue about it with a minority..." "African-Americans talk and Whites listen...") just curious...
peace to you,

ando

please see my post below. I have found these discussions less than edifying, and am strongly considering bowing out during Lent. I'm hurt, confused and bewildered by you, and don't feel it's worth continuing this discussion as all you want to do is follow the liberal, PC-line. I had expected more. Alas....

ando

I am going to let the second place finisher in Grades 4/5 Martin Luther King writing contest in a certain city speak for me. He is an African American student at a Spanish immersion school, who speaks much more eloquently than me, and I would hope carry much more clout among the Sojo crowd.

He wrote: "I think some whites are still racist and don't like us. They think we're like people in videos, or TV and we're gangbangers. In some ways, we've proved them right. We sag, act like people in videos, and we drop out of school..... I, as a young black male, will make the right decisions. I have high hopes for myself. My dreams won't be crushed by doing drugs, crimes or being in jail...As a black male, I'm ashamed....All we do is join gangs, go to jail and have babies. None of that is in my future. I will be one of the best black males you'll see in my life....I have adream black people can come together and adopt the values that once made our community strong...."

Any objections from the Left?

DITE

The problem with the race conversation is that it is one sided. If you deviate from the white-power-structure-and-history-of-oppression-holding-minorities-down talking points, you're called a racist, ignorant, or both.

geneticist and DNA co-discoverer James Watson caused an uproar when he said, "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours — whereas all the testing says not really." He was protested by people that didn't know much about DNA, and his college speaking engagements were canceled. Now, I don't really agree with him and have read some studies that find otherwise, but that's not really the point. The point is that this was not a conversation that people would allow to take place.

Senator Patrick Moynihan is another person that comes to mind who deviated from the script and was called a racist by many on the left.

And every black conservative is written off as an "Uncle Tom," "House negro," or, as I'm sure BlueDeacon will explain, a mindless puppet for the Right Wing political machine.

letjusticerolldown

My intent is not to draw conclusions about you because I do not know you. I can respond only to your words and inquire. I am not asking you to shut up. I am making a request that you inquire of yourself. If you honor the request and inquire of yourself--I would count that an honor (whether or not you share the answer to my question). If you have no sense of an invitation from God to consider the questions I ask, than by all means disregard them.

The questions I ask of you are the same as I frequently ask of myself.

ando

And your posts do nothing but cast aspersions on me. Give me a break, please, justice. I expected better from you, unlike the one above you. Perhaps you just want me to shut up......

BlueDeacon

Unfortunately, such pronouncements from famous people or media do affect interpersonal relationships, whether we want to deal with that or not. And part of the story is how we react to them.

A personal story: About a decade ago I, a black man, was involved with a white woman who wanted to marry me in the worst way. However, she wanted me to attend her all-white church, literally across the street from where she lived, which in itself wasn't a problem on the surface. However, there were three specific incidents I need to highlight:

1) One of her sons from a previous marriage regularly brought home -- from church -- commentaries from the "Conservative Chronicle." I looked that up on-line and learned that its editor was an syndicated columnist who turned out to be an unreconstructed Southern racist. Normally if I see that kind of literature in a church I would never return, and I went there only once on a Sunday morning. (Occasionally I went to an evening service.)

2) We were watching a news story about the lack of minority contracting at the new baseball stadium, and another son looked at me and commented, "Why can't they just hire the best people?" (He attended the public high school, so I know he didn't get that attitude from there.)

3) One year we attended a formal ball which had as a theme racial reconciliation in the greater Church, and one of the programs it suggested was to find trios of women from black and white churches to meet together informally. It turned out that she couldn't find one, let alone two, other women in her entire church who were interested in doing that.

Clearly, it was an intolerable environment for me; however, she refused to attend my interracial, multi-cultural church (ironically, through whose singles ministry we met) because it was, in her view, too big and too far away -- this despite the fact it was closer to her than to me. (Of course, the relationship had to end and eventually did so, but I'm sure she still blames me for not going along with what she wanted.)

One other thing we need to address in the church is the fact that 70 percent of white evangelicals voted for John McCain for president but an even higher rate of black evangelicals voted for Barack Obama. While I don't believe that most white Christians voted for McCain due to racism, no question that a few did. It wouldn't necessarily be true, however, that black evangelicals voted for Obama because he's identified as black because African-Americans as a whole just cannot accept what conservatism stands for and would have supported Hillary Clinton.

These are the kind of things that need to be addressed in any Christian conversation about race; however, at this point I'm not optimistic that they will be. It's not even happening in my church right now, which is especially ironic because we're generally open about such things.

Eric77

I guess it depends on whether this is someone you are friends with or come into contact with through your community or church or whether it's someone out in the world with which you have no personal contact, like Trent Lott.

But let's assume I was friends with Trent Lott when he made those comments. I could pull him aside and say something to the affect of "I know you probably didn't mean to offend people with your comments about Strom Thurmond, but there's a way that people could view them as offensive. Some people might feel you're expressing support for Strom's views on racial segregation when he ran for president. Do you see how people might interpret your comments that way?"

With a response like that I'm not accusing him of anything. I'm not questioning his motives and what's going on inside his head, but I'm getting him to realize that perhaps he should have said what he said in a different way. I confront him without getting his back against the wall and demanding an apology. I would hope he'd come to the conclusion on his own that he should offer an apology.

Again, throwing "racist" out there immediately makes people defensive. If I said something that's insensitive, even if I meant no offense by it, and someone responded with "Racist!" I wouldn't want to apologize because it looks I'm admitting to being a racist.

All this said, Eugene's topic is about our interpersonal relationships with people in our communities and our friends. He and the man in the video aren't talking about how to address public figures like Trent Lott.

tmccool

Nice article, and a great video. My denomination (Methodist) has recently gone through a reconciliation based on their history of rejecting blacks (resulting in the creation of the AME church). It was symbolic and ceremonial, but what else can one do but accept that mistakes were made decades ago, repent, and ask for forgiveness? I (a white middle class male) have overseen diversity initiatives in my organization which has exposed me to issues of racism and diversity. I've learned alot, but I can only have an understanding of the issues since I have not personally experienced the issues. But once again, what else can I do but support diversity activities the best way I can?

JamesM

To give a scathing criticism of "PC" types and progressive universities. That's the point. Didn't you get it?! Uh and to say that he has been a minority in Central America-- I almost forgot that salient point.

letjusticerolldown

curiousity: do you see the families and community you serve in an overall positive light; in which you can have mutual relationships of giving and receiving. Your posts feel like you have been offended and hurt. Has God granted you the grace to embrace and value the place you serve?? If He has, please express your love and care for this place/people. If not, please review if God wants you there.

letjusticerolldown

I know it is a common experience/perception.

The question "What makes it difficult" is interesting in that the question is not "What makes it impossible?" Hence, what we perceive as 'difficulty' is an important lens through which to see our own person.

In every realm of life there is a place that "we stop." There are boundaries. Sometimes we do not stop soon enough. Other times we stop at times which are not rational or healthy.

Dialogue without relationship is problematic. Our complaints about being 'shut-up' in racial dialogue often has to do with the absence of relationship. If I am committed to the relationship than I can flex in my communication. If being quiet is what best protects and advances the relationship--I will do so. I will trust my contribution and value to the relationship is high and will be honored.

Nathan Bedford

And your point is????

ando

xfree, I find myself in the rare position of agreeing with you. I've found that racial "dialogue" especially among PC-types is that African-Americans talk and Whites listen. Unless of course you're a PC White, like having a PhD in Education from a "progressive" university and continually telling other Whites how much power being White brings.

And before someone like Blue Deacon responds, I've been a minority for two years in Central America. So don't tell me that I don't know what it feels like. Actually, my current classroom is majority minority, with only a few white students. And I was once called a n----- lover by a drunk African American gentleman stumbling down the street at mid-day in inner city Milwaukee while I was working with an inner city youth group to plant a vegetable garden. I thus ramble too much....

xfree9

#11. You're white and any attempt to actually dialogue about it with a minority pretty much shuts you up because you apparently have no experience.