Obama Presents Global Economic Recovery Plan to a Resistant G-20 While Holding Adorable Puppy
by Ryan Rodrick Beiler 04-01-2009
In the face of international resistance to the U.S. role in resolving the global economic crisis, President Barack Obama raised his arts of persuasive communication to new heights, delivering his latest comments to the G-20 while cradling the puppy he plans to give to his daughters Sasha and Malia.
“This will be a difficult time for all citizens of our global community,” the president acknowledged. “But if you will look with me into the eyes of this achingly cute Portuguese water dog, I think you’ll find all the hope and reassurance you’ll need.”
At a press conference following Mr. Obama’s speech, a nonplussed international press corps responded with a flurry of forceful questions such as: “Can I hold him, Mr. Obama? Please, please, can I?”
One Russian journalist was particularly aggressive in her questioning: “Pretty pretty please? Can I? Can I? With … how do you say, sugar on top?”
However, some reporters seemed to be more intent on making commentary than asking questions by asking: “Who’s the most adorable First Puppy ever?”—interrupting before Mr. Obama could answer—”You are! Yes you are! You are such a cutie wootie little snuggle snuggums!”
Only one reporter seemed to have even a remote interest in the announced topic at hand, asking the president: “Are you suggesting, Mr. Obama, that the G-20 can rescue our global economy much in the same way you’ve rescued this puppy from lethal injection by a D.C. pound?”
Obama replied, “Yes we can.”
“Also,” Obama added, “If the assembled leaders of the international community attempt to block my plan … I will kill this dog.”
“… Just kidding. What? Not a lot of National Lampoon readers at the G-20? …. Anybody? No? I guess that’s a Harvard thing.”
