10 Reasons We Don't Like to Talk About Race

nad, This is my last day of posting for awhile. I've written this ad nausuem. I work in a class where I've had nine African American students this year. they all come from broken families. The PC culture in the US says this is not a problem. It's all the fault of racism that at least 7 of the nine are marginally or significantly below proficient level. I want to change that. The PC culture says it can only come through addressing racism. I agree with Juan Williams who says "Enough!" He says the Black community should take more responsibility over their own lives. The Black friends in my church tend to agree. But they're not in positions of power. One is a woman raising her grandchildren. Another is a single mother. I stay at my church because of them primarily.

From time to time, the local paper addresses single women raising a bunch of children who are successful. the secret ingredient is turn off the tv and make them do their homework. Is that too PC? It is to my school district. they want to reduce the amount of homework that minorities get. It's too hard for them, they say. To me, that's racist. If you disagree, you're just too conservative.

For [insert additional reasons], I would insert Pride. At least, I would say that is true of me. It's easy to slip into a mindset of: But I'm a good, progressive person; I couldn't possibly say or do anything racist. Being confronted by your racism is pretty humbling.

I'm glad we've moved beyond the mindless talk of a "national conversation on race" and onto the personal. At least this is a lot more concrete and I appreciate that. Eugene's list is helpful and challenging.

I also watched the video. The narrator starts off my saying "everyone, everywhere is talking about race." So which is it? Are we afraid to talk about race or is everyone doing it?

The overall message of the video is a worthy one - focus on actions and statements, not possible motivations. I'd go one step further. Don't even use the word racist in describing their words or actions. Use another word or phrase like "I have concerns about what you did, and here's why..." The quickest way to shut down a thoughtful conversation is to shout "racist!" even if you're only referring to words or actions. You might as well accuse someone of being a communist or Nazi or something. It never helps.

#11. You're white and any attempt to actually dialogue about it with a minority pretty much shuts you up because you apparently have no experience.

And your point is????

curiousity: do you see the families and community you serve in an overall positive light; in which you can have mutual relationships of giving and receiving. Your posts feel like you have been offended and hurt. Has God granted you the grace to embrace and value the place you serve?? If He has, please express your love and care for this place/people. If not, please review if God wants you there.

I guess it depends on whether this is someone you are friends with or come into contact with through your community or church or whether it's someone out in the world with which you have no personal contact, like Trent Lott.

But let's assume I was friends with Trent Lott when he made those comments. I could pull him aside and say something to the affect of "I know you probably didn't mean to offend people with your comments about Strom Thurmond, but there's a way that people could view them as offensive. Some people might feel you're expressing support for Strom's views on racial segregation when he ran for president. Do you see how people might interpret your comments that way?"

With a response like that I'm not accusing him of anything. I'm not questioning his motives and what's going on inside his head, but I'm getting him to realize that perhaps he should have said what he said in a different way. I confront him without getting his back against the wall and demanding an apology. I would hope he'd come to the conclusion on his own that he should offer an apology.

Again, throwing "racist" out there immediately makes people defensive. If I said something that's insensitive, even if I meant no offense by it, and someone responded with "Racist!" I wouldn't want to apologize because it looks I'm admitting to being a racist.

All this said, Eugene's topic is about our interpersonal relationships with people in our communities and our friends. He and the man in the video aren't talking about how to address public figures like Trent Lott.

And your posts do nothing but cast aspersions on me. Give me a break, please, justice. I expected better from you, unlike the one above you. Perhaps you just want me to shut up......

please see my post below. I have found these discussions less than edifying, and am strongly considering bowing out during Lent. I'm hurt, confused and bewildered by you, and don't feel it's worth continuing this discussion as all you want to do is follow the liberal, PC-line. I had expected more. Alas....

Dialogue w/o relationship is more likely to cause tension, which is often the case. But should it be this way? I don't think so. I think black people get to share with all about their experience that the white experience is looked at as a rich kid would be looked at if he were complaining his BMW had a flat tire. Whatever I contribute to the problem notwithstanding, white people have feelings, too.

Yes, there is a race-based generalization in that comment, because it's about race! Blacks have the say-so in oppression, and whites need to learn from the so-called "powerless."

a man who makes generalizations about black people bullying the narrative on race is finding it hard to find dialogue on the issue. hmm...

nad, This is my last day of posting for awhile. I've written this ad nausuem. I work in a class where I've had nine African American students this year. they all come from broken families. The PC culture in the US says this is not a problem. It's all the fault of racism that at least 7 of the nine are marginally or significantly below proficient level. I want to change that. The PC culture says it can only come through addressing racism. I agree with Juan Williams who says "Enough!" He says the Black community should take more responsibility over their own lives. The Black friends in my church tend to agree. But they're not in positions of power. One is a woman raising her grandchildren. Another is a single mother. I stay at my church because of them primarily.

From time to time, the local paper addresses single women raising a bunch of children who are successful. the secret ingredient is turn off the tv and make them do their homework. Is that too PC? It is to my school district. they want to reduce the amount of homework that minorities get. It's too hard for them, they say. To me, that's racist. If you disagree, you're just too conservative.

Good article. I often have private one on one conversations about race. I hesitate to dialogue in other settings because as a white man the charge of racism is raised quickly if there is disagreement.

What do you do, however, when someone makes a clearly racist statement but doesn't really care? You get the impression in those cases that racism really is part of their character that they have no intention of changing.

Case in point: Trent Lott and Bob Byrd. When Lott said that "we wouldn't have had all those problems," it was clearly a racist statement because he was referring to racial integration and it took him a week to offer any kind of apology, which in his case was weak; when Byrd, however, used the N-word he IMMEDIATELY apologized. For that reason most blacks would have been more forgiving of Byrd as it is, and their respective voting records demonstrated their commitment to racial reconciliation (in Lott's case, the lack thereof).

xfree, I find myself in the rare position of agreeing with you. I've found that racial "dialogue" especially among PC-types is that African-Americans talk and Whites listen. Unless of course you're a PC White, like having a PhD in Education from a "progressive" university and continually telling other Whites how much power being White brings.

And before someone like Blue Deacon responds, I've been a minority for two years in Central America. So don't tell me that I don't know what it feels like. Actually, my current classroom is majority minority, with only a few white students. And I was once called a n----- lover by a drunk African American gentleman stumbling down the street at mid-day in inner city Milwaukee while I was working with an inner city youth group to plant a vegetable garden. I thus ramble too much....

I know it is a common experience/perception.

The question "What makes it difficult" is interesting in that the question is not "What makes it impossible?" Hence, what we perceive as 'difficulty' is an important lens through which to see our own person.

In every realm of life there is a place that "we stop." There are boundaries. Sometimes we do not stop soon enough. Other times we stop at times which are not rational or healthy.

Dialogue without relationship is problematic. Our complaints about being 'shut-up' in racial dialogue often has to do with the absence of relationship. If I am committed to the relationship than I can flex in my communication. If being quiet is what best protects and advances the relationship--I will do so. I will trust my contribution and value to the relationship is high and will be honored.

To give a scathing criticism of "PC" types and progressive universities. That's the point. Didn't you get it?! Uh and to say that he has been a minority in Central America-- I almost forgot that salient point.

Unfortunately, such pronouncements from famous people or media do affect interpersonal relationships, whether we want to deal with that or not. And part of the story is how we react to them.

A personal story: About a decade ago I, a black man, was involved with a white woman who wanted to marry me in the worst way. However, she wanted me to attend her all-white church, which in itself wasn't a problem on the surface and was literally across the street from where she lived. However, there were three specific incidents I need to highlight:

1) One of her sons from a previous marriage regularly brought home -- from church -- commentaries from the "Conservative Chronicle." I looked that up on-line and learned that its editor was an syndicated columist who turned out to be an unreconstructed Southern racist. Normally if I see that kind of literature in a church I would have never returned, and I went there only once on a Sunday morning. (Occasionally I went to an evening service.)

2) We were watching a news story about the lack of minority contracting at the new baseball stadium, and another son looked at me and commented, "Why can't they just hire the best people?" (He attended the public high school, so I know he didn't get that attitude from there.)

3) One year we attended a formal ball which had as a theme racial reconciliation in the greater Church, and one of the programs it suggested was to find trios of women from black and white churches to meet together informally. It turned out that she couldn't find one, let alone two, other women in her entire church who were interested in doing that.

Clearly, it was an intolerable environment for me; however, she refused to attend my interracial, multi-cultural church (ironically, through whose singles ministry we met) because it was, in her view, too big and too far away -- this despite the fact it was closer to her than to me. (Of course, the relationship had to end and eventually did so, but I'm sure she still blames me for not going along with what she wanted.)

One other thing we need to address in the church is the fact that 70 percent of white evangelicals voted for John McCain for president but an even higher rate of black evangelicals voted for Barack Obama. While I don't believe that most white Christians voted for McCain due to racism, no question that a few did. It wouldn't necessarily be true, however, that black evangelicals voted for Obama because he's identified as black because African-Americans as a whole just cannot stand what conservatism stands for and would have supported Hillary Clinton.

These are the kind of things that need to be addressed in any Christian conversation about race; however, at this point I'm not optimistic that they will be. It's not even happening in my church right now, which is especially ironic because we're generally open about such things.

My intent is not to draw conclusions about you because I do not know you. I can respond only to your words and inquire. I am not asking you to shut up. I am making a request that you inquire of yourself. If you honor the request and inquire of yourself--I would count that an honor (whether or not you share the answer to my question). If you have no sense of an invitation from God to consider the questions I ask, than by all means disregard them.

The questions I ask of you are the same as I frequently ask of myself.

xfree & ando: i tend to agree w/ ljrd - "dialogue without relationship is problematic." would you agree? along those lines, from these comments about being shut up and the conversation being one-sided, one might question 1.) whether you have minority friends, 2.) if you do, whether these are the people you are trying to talk about race with, and 3.) if so, how good of a friend these people really are to you if they shut you up or won't let you talk about race just because you are white. i suspect you indeed have minority friends, so are these the people you are trying to talk with when you are having these experiences? whatever the answer is to that question, i would be interested to hear about the exchange wherein a person of color, friend or otherwise, was not interested in your perspective because you are white. by the way, do you not see a race-based generalization in your comments about such dialogue only being allowed to be one-sided? ("any attempt to actually dialogue about it with a minority..." "African-Americans talk and Whites listen...") just curious...
peace to you,

I really don't bite that hard. If you address my words that are hurtful I could potentially learn/grow and make right what is wrong.

The essential reason I do not respond to your remarks about the Black community is not that I do not have opinions; it is that most of the time I have concluded it simply is not my assignment (from God) to speak. That is very personal. I infer no meaning from that as to how others ought respond.

I do believe I have an assignment to address other white men about our relationships with black persons. Again, that is my personal sense of what I am to do. That is why I speak directly to you. I have zero interest in just jawboning my life away.

I hear you calling black persons to full accountability for the life that is in their hands. That is all I am calling myself to--and calling you to.

That does not diminish by one iota the significance of our lives and the great things white men can bring to the relationships.

Would you try something with me. Would you value the relationship more than whether you like what I have said?? Would you email me at runwiththechariots at yahoo dot com if private emails would work better than this public conversation?