Are We Offering Grace, or Just Another Program?

Bart you ask now what . From my experience I would do as you are doing . Offer your friendship /relationship. Don't take it upon yourself my brother , . , its up to Marlena.
The results are God's , you are being His hands . Your doing more then most.
If I were you I rent a movie and try not to worry about it .

"You see the problem, don't you? I mean, it is no big deal to help a friend when she finds herself in trouble after doing everything right. It's a whole different thing, however..."

In my view, that passage is the crux of the issue, and I appreciate your thoughts on walking the thin line of giving grace. Marlena clearly isn't doing much right in life, but I suppose neither were any of us when God graced us with His Son. Echoing ando, there are no pat answers, but that does not preclude us from praying and wrestling and seeking anyway, and I am encouraged by your labor of love in such a tough situation, even if occasionally we cross the line and enable destructive behavior.

I often think about how pathetic my attempts at giving grace may seem to someone on the outside, but then I am reminded that God and God alone is the judge of that. As usual, no need to worry--let us simply trust.

I am not an expert in the giving of grace, and Bart is clearly more practised in this area than me.
Merely offering my observations.
One the rare occasions when I stop to think about it (today is one of those days), I wince to think of how often I presume upon God's grace. Even, and perhaps especially, when my troubles are of my own making. My self-destructive behaviour is not as obvious as that of Marlena, but it is there. I don't think that God condones it, but I do think God is gracious in repeatedly offering undeserved assistance.
It strikes me that there is some brokenness that just doesn't get fixed until heaven, whatever that might be. And sometimes that brokenness leaves jagged edges that hurt ourselves and other people.
Grace is never the same as real friendship, although obviously not mutually exclusive.
Which all sounds very clean and nice, but it isn't.
Hang in there.

We each have to make decisions about how to extend the grace that God has given us.

I think there is a value in being able to see how we make decisions about to whom we extend grace. Jesus moved from town to town to proclaim the coming of the "nation" of God. Jesus didn't heal everyone, he didn't feed everyone.

I in my own community need to understand how/to whom I am called to extend God's grace. For me the challenge is to be listening to God, testing with my Christian brothers and sisters how I am choosing to extend God's grace.

It is very hard.

Thank you for your story. I have a number of fifth graders whose families might be potentially transformed by such a ministry. While the needs are many, I often feel my hands are tied working in a public school.

I agree that the story is not uncommon and that there are no pat answers. You have to meet people where they are, love them unconditionally the way Jesus loves us. But you don't leave them there. Jesus' love transforms people - but the transformation process is not easy. Sometimes a tougher love is needed and it's usually messy and unclear. Only the Holy Spirit can guide in building trust and relationship that he can use in real transformation. With all the best intentions, it's easy to become an enabler rather than a change agent and that's not helpful. It's good that we all live in God's bountiful grace.

I work in a ministry called Sparrow's Nest with single moms and their children. To be in our program the women have to turn over control of all their finances to us - (we meet with them weekly to determine how the money gets spent.) This goes against all my social work training of self-determination. It's tough, but over time you see the change in thinking and in behavior as people learn to become more self sufficient. It's a dramatic and lasting change. We train a supportive team to walk alongside the family in the process and also as a part of the program offer the opportunity to purchase the mobile home that they've been living in (purchased by a local church) for a token fee of $10. True change and home ownership can break the cycle, one family at a time - but it's not easy and we're always walking that line, led by the Holy Spirit, between grace and truth and mercy and justice.

Nice post... I really like the story... hope that the ending of the story is good.. God have always plan for us.. We never know that until it came to us.. thanks for sharing this.. God Bless!!!

A big AMEN from this public school teacher.

A big AMEN from this public school teacher.

Unfortunately, Bart, your story is not that uncommon. It just takes on different forms. While God does offer unconditional love, He also commands us to "go and sin no more." He stirs us with a still, small voice. We must choose to listen.

I don't have any pat answers, but it's painful and heartbreaking to hear such stories. How do we separate grace from a lving, but stern response to sin? I think the modern-day welfare system has done much to break the spirit of so many people. Another topic, I know, but still related.

It is tough, and I appreciate your desire to work in such a challenging mission field. I do think there are times when we end up enabling people we think we are helping, and in turn, we end up not helping them at all. There may be other means of helping a person than continually bailing them out. Finding ways to teach life skills and coping skills which would help them avoid getting themselves into these repeated messes seems far more useful than repeatedly cleaning up after the mess. It's tough to see that when you are right in the midst of it.

Nice post... I really like the story... hope that the ending of the story is good.. God have always plan for us.. We never know that until it came to us.. thanks for sharing this.. God Bless!!!

One of the finer examples of the dichotomy of grace I've read in a long, long time. Because of the grace you extended, she's spending time with a son who is holding on for life - a son who might not be around today or tomorrow because of the choices he has made (a result of family of origin issues, as you pointed out in the blog entry). Yet her decision making shows her as a user who manipulates to get the things that she needs in life rather than work for it herself.

Extending grace to others is never something that we should expect to build ourselves up or make us feel better. Clearly, extending grace does mean that sometimes we get used. We hope and pray for the best in cases where we do (and that God can help them overcome their troubles).

As Ando points out, God asks us to "go and sin no more". Sometimes, though, it takes the light of grace to be able to see the sin.

Unfortunately, Bart, your story is not that uncommon. It just takes on different forms. While God does offer unconditional love, He also commands us to "go and sin no more." He stirs us with a still, small voice. We must choose to listen.

I don't have any pat answers, but it's painful and heartbreaking to hear such stories. How do we separate grace from a lving, but stern response to sin? I think the modern-day welfare system has done much to break the spirit of so many people. Another topic, I know, but still related.

It is tough, and I appreciate your desire to work in such a challenging mission field. I do think there are times when we end up enabling people we think we are helping, and in turn, we end up not helping them at all. There may be other means of helping a person than continually bailing them out. Finding ways to teach life skills and coping skills which would help them avoid getting themselves into these repeated messes seems far more useful than repeatedly cleaning up after the mess. It's tough to see that when you are right in the midst of it.

"You see the problem, don't you? I mean, it is no big deal to help a friend when she finds herself in trouble after doing everything right. It's a whole different thing, however..."

In my view, that passage is the crux of the issue, and I appreciate your thoughts on walking the thin line of giving grace. Marlena clearly isn't doing much right in life, but I suppose neither were any of us when God graced us with His Son. Echoing ando, there are no pat answers, but that does not preclude us from praying and wrestling and seeking anyway, and I am encouraged by your labor of love in such a tough situation, even if occasionally we cross the line and enable destructive behavior.

I often think about how pathetic my attempts at giving grace may seem to someone on the outside, but then I am reminded that God and God alone is the judge of that. As usual, no need to worry--let us simply trust.