Are Single Moms the New Widows?

It's a great commentary, Steve. Friends and I have had this same conversation. I also respectfully disagree with Pastor Jeff. I have worked with these ladies in the church for years. Sure, many have college degrees and try to work a 9-5 job (once the kids are old enough) so they can be home when their kids get home from school. And widowed, unwed or divorced, the best thing is not always for them to "remarry!" Many of the widows and older ladies in the church come forward to help these younger ladies in crisis times. And I only know of one woman who chose single motherhood. She adopted a foreign orphan and has raised the child along with the church who has been beside her all the way. I really doubt that Jesus would split hairs over who "qualifies" for church support.

Thanks ando for the warning. I understand and truly appreciate the Sojo crowd. My stance on the issue is biased by personal experience of being a fatherless welfare baby of a 15 year old Appalachian mother. My view is also influence by over 26 years as a trained social worker. You used the word "crutch" to describe the negative affect of Welfare. A crutch is a wonderful tool when someone needs help walking but it becomes a horrible obstacle when it keeps them from learning to walk on their own. The state will never be a suitable substitute for either parent.

Widows are widows and single mothers are single mothers. Verses in Timothy are quite clear on the treatment of each. Paul says it is God's will for younger "widows" to remarry. There is an age requirement as well as service requirements for the other widows to qualify as widows indeed. An injunction is placed on those who do not care for their own families. This establishes the priority of resource allocation. We have widows in our churches that are being neglected by their own families while their children scheme to protect their inheritance by finding ways to place them on the public rolls and shelter the families resources. The church turns it's head, unwilling to exercise the discipline- "worse than an infidel".
"Single mothers" are no more a monolith than "gays" or "immigrants". Women are increasingly choosing single motherhood. Are these "widows"? I agree that the church has some growing to do in terms of it's sympathy for single moms, but I think redefining a group as something they are not does not address the core issue of estimating a person's worthiness by their lot in life.

I agree that the best thing we can do is to encourage respect for the role of the father. Movies and T.V. haved glamorized single parenthood but in reality it's a difficult road. As for the welfare state, on my way to work, I pass by neighborhoods where strong able bodied men are wandering around, apparently not working. This breaks my heart, because they are not being encouraged to live up to their manhood and are consequently prime candidates for trouble. God set up families with a mother and father and said people should work for a living. Why do we have to make a complete mess of things by trying to improve on the Creator's plans? He knows what he's doing.

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I think for the most part churches have a hard time meeting the needs of widows. It is so much more than just making sure they have the basic necessities. Churches are designed to minister to a typical family unit of father, mother, and children. When that relationship is severed because of death, it is difficult for the widow/widower and children to feel like they fit in the church. Loneliness is often a major issue for the surviving spouse. Remarriage isn't always an option and it isn't something that should be pushed.

How sad to see that the common myths about welfare continue to thrive, but understandable, given how this issue has been handled by politicians and the media. Our policies define who we are, and what our country is all about. We make our choices, even if the choice is simply to remain silent when we see injustice. What we see today indisputably confirms that the character of this nation is defined by scapegoatism, arrogance, judgmentalism, and good old greed (all contrary to Christ's teachings, but hey, it works for us). I thought my fellow citizens would speak up on behalf of our poorest, calling their legislators, writing letters to the editor, at least questioning if turning our backs on the poor was really the right thing to do. Very, very few spoke up.
So, as it was two thousand years ago, we do automatically condemn all families not under the direct ownership of men. Whether the mother is single, widowed or abandoned, or has fled from a violent spouse, she is bad, is blamed, and therefore deserves our contempt and harshest treatment. We can more-or-less accept a fatherless family IF the mother is able to earn a fairly good living while remaining a full-time parent, but that's as far as we'll go. We have our standards, you know.
We like our welfare "reform" policies, which effectively lock these parents into something very much like indentured servitude (i.e., "workfare"), because we want to know that single mothers are adequately punished for failing to secure a husband. One policies enable us to automatically blame the mother, regardless of the situation. It doesn't matter is she is a single parent, abandoned or widowed. It doesn't matter if she (like so many of us) is unable to secure a job (much less childcare, transportation, etc.), or if she is too ill to work. "Nothing is new under the sun."

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In what way might this Scripture inform our discussion and answer Steve's original question then?

1 Timothy 5

3Honour widows that are widows indeed.

4But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.

5Now she that is a widow indeed, and desolate, trusteth in God, and continueth in supplications and prayers night and day.

6But she that liveth in pleasure is dead while she liveth.

7And these things give in charge, that they may be blameless.

8But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

9Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man.

10Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work.

11But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry;

12Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith.

13And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

14I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

15For some are already turned aside after Satan.

16If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed.

How sad to see that the common myths about welfare continue to thrive, but understandable, given how this issue has been handled by politicians and the media. Our policies define who we are, and what our country is all about. We make our choices, even if the choice is simply to remain silent when we see injustice. What we see today indisputably confirms that the character of this nation is defined by scapegoatism, arrogance, judgmentalism, and good old greed (all contrary to Christ's teachings, but hey, it works for us). I thought my fellow citizens would speak up on behalf of our poorest, calling their legislators, writing letters to the editor, at least questioning if turning our backs on the poor was really the right thing to do. Very, very few spoke up.
So, as it was two thousand years ago, we do automatically condemn all families not under the direct ownership of men. Whether the mother is single, widowed or abandoned, or has fled from a violent spouse, she is bad, is blamed, and therefore deserves our contempt and harshest treatment. We can more-or-less accept a fatherless family IF the mother is able to earn a fairly good living while remaining a full-time parent, but that's as far as we'll go. We have our standards, you know.
We like our welfare "reform" policies, which effectively lock these parents into something very much like indentured servitude (i.e., "workfare"), because we want to know that single mothers are adequately punished for failing to secure a husband. One policies enable us to automatically blame the mother, regardless of the situation. It doesn't matter is she is a single parent, abandoned or widowed. It doesn't matter if she (like so many of us) is unable to secure a job (much less childcare, transportation, etc.), or if she is too ill to work. "Nothing is new under the sun."

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I think for the most part churches have a hard time meeting the needs of widows. It is so much more than just making sure they have the basic necessities. Churches are designed to minister to a typical family unit of father, mother, and children. When that relationship is severed because of death, it is difficult for the widow/widower and children to feel like they fit in the church. Loneliness is often a major issue for the surviving spouse. Remarriage isn't always an option and it isn't something that should be pushed.

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I believe the injunction in the Bible to care for widows and orphans must have had something to do with economics. It was probably near impossible for widows to earn a living once their husbands died, placing them and their children at grave risk. In today's society, the church must not let its perceptions of single mothers cloud its advocacy for their needs. Single mothers face a disproportionate economic burden.

Moving on to public programs, though, poor parents generally have supports available to them like Medicaid, CHIP, food stamps, child support and others. The quality of these programs can vary greatly by state - frankly, many Southern states are more likely to skimp on these programs and treat vulnerable communities badly - but they are there. However, childless adults are not eligible for Medicaid in most states. This is a hole that is likely (I pray) to be fixed in health reform, but nothing's certain.

daylight, I largely agree with you, but you are treading on thin ice with the Sojo crowd. The connection between welfare and personal responsibility has a long history, up until the 1960s when welfare became more of a crutch than a springboard for the poor of this country. One can see how immigrants historically and now have seen this country as one of potential for them to gain a better life economically, politically, and otherwise. The church should do all it can to foster the importance of the family through job training and other programs such as better relationships between the sexes.

"(just about every family sitcom portrays dad as a helpless idiot), we must honor their special role in the family and society. We must also deconstruct the welfare state that has made it all too easy to replace them as if bringing home the bacon is their only purpose. "

There is a great article in the current READERS DIGEST about men who are taking care of their children while their wives are serving in the armed forces in Afghanistan and other war zones. The article deals with all of the stereotypes that these men face -- sometimes these care-taking men are not always welcome at military spouses support groups because women make up most of these groups and the women's husbands (serving overseas) get worried and jealous about their wives making friends with other men.

In all, there is too much stereotyping and emphasis on rigid gender roles in our society. Of course it is getting a lot better than it was. But women aren't the only victims of rigid gender roles; men are also victimized by this as well.

Widows are widows and single mothers are single mothers. Verses in Timothy are quite clear on the treatment of each. Paul says it is God's will for younger "widows" to remarry. There is an age requirement as well as service requirements for the other widows to qualify as widows indeed. An injunction is placed on those who do not care for their own families. This establishes the priority of resource allocation. We have widows in our churches that are being neglected by their own families while their children scheme to protect their inheritance by finding ways to place them on the public rolls and shelter the families resources. The church turns it's head, unwilling to exercise the discipline- "worse than an infidel".
"Single mothers" are no more a monolith than "gays" or "immigrants". Women are increasingly choosing single motherhood. Are these "widows"? I agree that the church has some growing to do in terms of it's sympathy for single moms, but I think redefining a group as something they are not does not address the core issue of estimating a person's worthiness by their lot in life.

Our church has a number of single-moms and grandparents raising grandchildren. I don't see anyone there who does anything but accept them for who they are and for the enormous responsibility they carry. And the largely African-American church which meets right after ours also has a number of single mothers. Perhaps these congregations are exceptions, but it also seems unfair to use the church as a punching bag until you have some more facts about how the church is ministering to these women and their children. You might be surprised.

Disagree with Pastor Jeff, and love the article. Great points. Steve Holt!