Death By Ministry: Why is Being a Pastor so Unhealthy?

I write as a retired pastor. Much of the stress of the pastorate comes from the necessity of having to make a living. In churches with congregational polity (those that I served) there's a constant tug of war between what the congregation likes and the ideals of the Christian calling. Making a living and maintaining integrity are in constant tension. (Churces with episcipal polity just move the stress down the line a tad--if bishops, dist. supts et all hear too much flak, something will have to give.) My impression from the NT is that pastoral leadership rose from within the local congregations; pastors probably continue to earn their living as before. You can have a paid priest; it's difficult to have a paid prophet.

I write as a retired pastor. Much of the stress of the pastorate comes from the necessity of having to make a living. In churches with congregational polity (those that I served) there's a constant tug of war between what the congregation likes and the ideals of the Christian calling. Making a living and maintaining integrity are in constant tension. (Churces with episcipal polity just move the stress down the line a tad--if bishops, dist. supts et all hear too much flak, something will have to give.) My impression from the NT is that pastoral leadership rose from within the local congregations; pastors probably continue to earn their living as before. You can have a paid priest; it's difficult to have a paid prophet.

Check out http://www.ServingOurSaints.org - They do Biblical Hospitality, care for workers and provide respite for missionaries & etc. with the intent on alleviating some of the stresses that these healers endure.

Wonderful book on this subject that addresses what to do about it. It is out of print now, but can be found used on internet. Title is Generation to Generation: Family Systems in Church and Synagogue. Author is Rebbi Edwin Friedman. Very readable, written by a man who's "been there." This sent by Tad, an appreciative congregant, church elder and family therapist

Maybe part of the problem in our pastorcentric churches is that people have an unbiblical view of pastors and therefore have developed a set of unbiblical expectations that very few individuals could ever meet.

The pastor of my "family's home church" got overweight because many of the local pastors meetings were held in restaurants during lunch time. And, the church had too many pot-luck suppers.

When I was living in N. Hollywood, I was back here in Tulsa and I told Phil that I would like to talk to him. Well, he chose to go to a local pizza place for lunch so that we could talk there. I was glad to get the free lunch; but, they also had an all-you-can-eat buffet.

He has since stopped eating that way.

The pastor of my "family's home church" got overweight because many of the local pastors meetings were held in restaurants during lunch time. And, the church had too many pot-luck suppers.

When I was living in N. Hollywood, I was back here in Tulsa and I told Phil that I would like to talk to him. Well, he chose to go to a local pizza place for lunch so that we could talk there. I was glad to get the free lunch; but, they also had an all-you-can-eat buffet.

He has since stopped eating that way.

I am disabled and haven't been to church in a while. I watch a local UMC live service yesterday. The pastor complained about people showing up for a secular musical produced by the church who have been in church services in a long time.

I would have told him, "That's because your services are cut and dried and your music choices are not only boring, the choir members sing like they are bored, too."

Thanks for this article, Eugene. I really appreciated the articulation of how difficult pastoral ministry can be (as a pastor of 20+ years in ministry).

While I do wish congregations had a better idea of how to care for pastors and their families in a healthier way, I also believe that we pastors need to be careful not to wait for that to happen. As a certified coach, I work with pastors and denominational leaders who want to lead from a more self-aware, differentiated place (http://www.soundcoaching.com).

While pastors who are increasingly clearer about how they are uniquely "fearfully and wonderfully made" begin to get more comfortable in their own skin, the push-back (which is pretty inevitable) will be primarily from those who are less defined. But who wants to be defined by boundary-less people, right? The beautiful paradox is that the more clear we are about who we are in Christ (and therefore also comfortable with who we're not), the more likely people will trust our efforts to lead.

So...while I certainly would love for congregations to be kinder in general, there's some great work we pastors can do whether that happens or not.

Peace!

Tom Patterson
Seattle, WA

I work for a pastor as the director of support ministries at our church, and I would agree with all Eugene has said. Let's all encourage them and their families in these special calls.

I'm nearing 50. I pastor a congregation in the center of the least churched area in the USA, with an multi-generational attendance of 70 on any Sunday (average). While aligned with a denominaton our ties are limited and not considered particularly important by the congregation.

I worked in mid-management customer service for 20 years until God called ("forced") me into pastoral ministry. I've a BA in Biblical Studies from SPU and did not go to Seminary.Aside from the custodian I am the only staff. I'm paid under $40K. My wife is a weaver and between our incomes we have all we need and more. I have 5 weeks of vacation each year.(Last year I asked them to forego a Cost of living increase and give me another vacation week instead. They were happy to do so.)

With exceptions I typically take two days off each week. I spend a lot of time every day with my wife including a long walk each morning. We have four kids: 3 of them over 20 and one just starting at Seattle Pacific University. I see them a lot too.

The church I pastor is the church in which I grew up. Our board meetings are friendly and little over an hour in length. Our Quarterly business meetings never last more than 10 minutes consisting primarily of a financial report.

Am I stressed? Every Easter and Christmas, but it passes.
I'm a perfectionist about my messages so Saturday night can be stressful too. (But God always provides.)We are very active in our community (food drives/homeless shelter/ present at community events) and every year our reputation as winsom servants of Christ grows.

My intention is to pastor this same church for another ten years and then (God willing) the church will call someone younger who will continue similar ministry of loving service in the name of Jesus.

Here's some random things I believe contribute to my health as a pastor and the health of the congregation.
1. I love my town and I love my congregation and they love me.
2. I know without any doubt that God called me to this.
3. In teaching I stress that ALL of us are MINISTERS and I am no more important to the church's work than they are. The only difference between us is I am financially released to pursue this job.
4. I do not want the church to take people away from their families or their community. While we organize a few events each year mostly we encourage God's people to get out and be salt and light to the community. So no Wed or Sun night services, etc.
5. I don't take myself or my ministry too seriously. I'm not that important.
6. I emphasize servanthood and our general calling to follow Jesus example by pouring our lives out in service to others.
7. I emphasize that arrogance or superiority has no place in God's kingdom. Even if you think you're right you still have to treat others with gentleness and respect.
8. Anyone who suggests a ministry to me will hear me encourage them to pursue it themselves and ask that they tell me how things work out.
9. Similarly we've created an atmosphere of freedom so that anyone who feels led to start a particular ministry knows they can and that I will back them up as much as I can while leaving the implementation to them.
10. I choose to minimize my/our relationship with the denomination believing that time is better spent on my own community and relations with other pastors in my community.

None of this was systematically organized and implemented.
It's just the way it happened. And I'm glad it is the way it is.
It doesn't have to be as bad as the stats above tell us it is.
Pastors can be willing to achieve less for the sake of their families and their mental health and the long-run of their ministry.
And congregations can stop waiting to be serviced by their paid minister and start being the ministers they are supposed to be.
Nuff said.

I've been convinced for a very long time that we demand too much from our pastors. If we in the pews would only display some maturity from time to time and stand up on our two feet their job would be so much easier.

Eugene, you sound like a very committed pastor who gives a great deal of yourself to your congregation and your ministry and I'm sure they very much appreciate it. But, you really need some perspective on how blessed you are to have the privilege of making a living (even if it is a modest one) while pursuing your calling.

*ALL* persons who serve those less fortunate are underpaid, underappreciated, and overworked. Think being a minister is stressful? I'm sure those blessed souls who lost their life in Afganistan while providing civilian aid were very stressed at the guns and violence they saw in their last moments of life. Upset about the financially modest life you lead? Try being a poor people's lawyer--the profession of law requires incurring more educational debt, out of pocket expenses, and wardrobe obligations than pastors. Finding it hard to establish boundaries? You've got nothing on social workers with outrageous caseloads who cannot skip challenging or dangerous home visits.

The idea that one can have a job that is low-stress, financially comfortable, 50 or fewer hours a week, and spiritually fulfilling is naive and unrealistic for the vast majority of people. Why you should be paid more, work fewer hours, or have less stress or more familial harmony than your poorest congregants? Or your fellow servants in different fields?

You, my earnest brother, are one of those extraordinarily lucky persons whose job is his art, passion, and calling. Most people who have the goal and inclination to serve others must struggle to make room for the time to do that after working the job that pays the bills, caring for those depending on them, AND contributing their treasure, time, and talents to their church. Most people don't have the time to devote to those things about which they are passionate because all their time goes to earning a living. And while weariness and the occasional twinge of jealousy, envy, or buyer's remorse is to be expected because we are all human, you really need to be grateful that you were fortunate enough to be able to make the choice that your profession would be to serve others, your church, and God.

And if that feeling of fortune does not overwhelm the negatives, than you should find either a job that feeds you or allows you to have the lifestyle you want. If you find both, let us know. Many of us servants would flock to it.

Sojump, I must disagree with your perspective. There really is no comparison to the role a pastor fulfills to anything else. The role
a pastor fulfills is very different from an aid worker or social worker, or, even a lawyer who serves the poor. A pastor is under constant scrutiny for a life-time, and is constantly in a "no win situation". If he/she spends some time with their family, they are considered "lazy". If they spend all their time at the church, they are considered, "unbalanced". If they are great evangelists, preachers, or missionaries, they are considered lacking in "administrative" skills. If they are good at "administration", they are usually considered poor "relationally". When they face conflict in the church, the church occassionally will attack the pastor's wife and children. Socially, economically, spiritually, there is sometimes no relief or escape for a pastor and his/her family. A pastor's children usually attend the same school as those of his/her parishoners, which can lead to social and physical attacks.

I am a pastor, as is pastor Cho. Your intimation that the pastor is less than grateful for his calling is likely false. Almost every pastor I have met is profoundly grateful for their calling, as am I. Please understand that when you are called to this work by God, you are called and nothing else is an option for you! If God calls you to pastoral ministry you really don't have the option of becoming a financial planner or something... So, a demonstration of some understanding of the unique difficulties of serving as "pastor" from persons such as yourself would be appreciated. thanks...

Your post reminds me of my sister-in-law's brother who is a minister and quit that position and had to take a job in a factory. That was a real eye opener for him! Now he knew why people didn't want to go to Wednesday night service, etc. Their job took up all their energies. Yes, it sure would be nice to have a job that is one's passion. Maybe some day that will happen for me.

After reading all this, I think I need a career change. Actually it is kind of comforting to know that I am not alone in feeling alone, exhausted and undermined. There has to be a way of building a structure that does not kill the leader. Right? Some good words of caution in this post. May God give us the wisdom to avoid the pot holes of our profession.

Amen to this post.

Most congregations expect only 3 things from their pastors and their families. Perfection, perfection and perfection.

You must be on call 24/7. "Why give them Monday off? They have a Saturday and Sunday like everyone else.

The pastor's wife is never paid yet she must do as much as the pastor (organize Sunday school, teach classes, entertain, etc) and then perform her "wifely" duties.

I once heard a quote, "If my son decides to enter the clergy, I will try my best to discourage him. If he persists and succeeds in spite of my objections, I will support him with all of my heart."

In "The Lutheran" magazine, brief notices of all clergy deaths are published each month. 50% or more are age 80 or more.

Maybe just retired clergy are OK?

Wonderful book on this subject that addresses what to do about it. It is out of print now, but can be found used on internet. Title is Generation to Generation: Family Systems in Church and Synagogue. Author is Rebbi Edwin Friedman. Very readable, written by a man who's "been there." This sent by Tad, an appreciative congregant, church elder and family therapist

somehow it strikes me that if more of the people in the pew felt this stressed about being Christians, the Pastoral stats wouldn't be so striking.

I write as a retired pastor. Much of the stress of the pastorate comes from the necessity of having to make a living. In churches with congregational polity (those that I served) there's a constant tug of war between what the congregation likes and the ideals of the Christian calling. Making a living and maintaining integrity are in constant tension. (Churces with episcipal polity just move the stress down the line a tad--if bishops, dist. supts et all hear too much flak, something will have to give.) My impression from the NT is that pastoral leadership rose from within the local congregations; pastors probably continue to earn their living as before. You can have a paid priest; it's difficult to have a paid prophet.

I'm nearing 50. I pastor a congregation in the center of the least churched area in the USA, with an multi-generational attendance of 70 on any Sunday (average). While aligned with a denominaton our ties are limited and not considered particularly important by the congregation.

I worked in mid-management customer service for 20 years until God called ("forced") me into pastoral ministry. I've a BA in Biblical Studies from SPU and did not go to Seminary.Aside from the custodian I am the only staff. I'm paid under $40K. My wife is a weaver and between our incomes we have all we need and more. I have 5 weeks of vacation each year.(Last year I asked them to forego a Cost of living increase and give me another vacation week instead. They were happy to do so.)

With exceptions I typically take two days off each week. I spend a lot of time every day with my wife including a long walk each morning. We have four kids: 3 of them over 20 and one just starting at Seattle Pacific University. I see them a lot too.

The church I pastor is the church in which I grew up. Our board meetings are friendly and little over an hour in length. Our Quarterly business meetings never last more than 10 minutes consisting primarily of a financial report.

Am I stressed? Every Easter and Christmas, but it passes.
I'm a perfectionist about my messages so Saturday night can be stressful too. (But God always provides.)We are very active in our community (food drives/homeless shelter/ present at community events) and every year our reputation as winsom servants of Christ grows.

My intention is to pastor this same church for another ten years and then (God willing) the church will call someone younger who will continue similar ministry of loving service in the name of Jesus.

Here's some random things I believe contribute to my health as a pastor and the health of the congregation.
1. I love my town and I love my congregation and they love me.
2. I know without any doubt that God called me to this.
3. In teaching I stress that ALL of us are MINISTERS and I am no more important to the church's work than they are. The only difference between us is I am financially released to pursue this job.
4. I do not want the church to take people away from their families or their community. While we organize a few events each year mostly we encourage God's people to get out and be salt and light to the community. So no Wed or Sun night services, etc.
5. I don't take myself or my ministry too seriously. I'm not that important.
6. I emphasize servanthood and our general calling to follow Jesus example by pouring our lives out in service to others.
7. I emphasize that arrogance or superiority has no place in God's kingdom. Even if you think you're right you still have to treat others with gentleness and respect.
8. Anyone who suggests a ministry to me will hear me encourage them to pursue it themselves and ask that they tell me how things work out.
9. Similarly we've created an atmosphere of freedom so that anyone who feels led to start a particular ministry knows they can and that I will back them up as much as I can while leaving the implementation to them.
10. I choose to minimize my/our relationship with the denomination believing that time is better spent on my own community and relations with other pastors in my community.

None of this was systematically organized and implemented.
It's just the way it happened. And I'm glad it is the way it is.
It doesn't have to be as bad as the stats above tell us it is.
Pastors can be willing to achieve less for the sake of their families and their mental health and the long-run of their ministry.
And congregations can stop waiting to be serviced by their paid minister and start being the ministers they are supposed to be.
Nuff said.

Where did the current pastoral model come from? Is it a good one? I really think we have to look at possible different models of getting the church's work done looking at it comprehensively including both staff and unpaid volunteers. Can anyone be good at all the many roles which most pastors are expected to fill? Could different models allow pastors and others focus on what they are particularly gifted for?

Eugene, you sound like a very committed pastor who gives a great deal of yourself to your congregation and your ministry and I'm sure they very much appreciate it. But, you really need some perspective on how blessed you are to have the privilege of making a living (even if it is a modest one) while pursuing your calling.

*ALL* persons who serve those less fortunate are underpaid, underappreciated, and overworked. Think being a minister is stressful? I'm sure those blessed souls who lost their life in Afganistan while providing civilian aid were very stressed at the guns and violence they saw in their last moments of life. Upset about the financially modest life you lead? Try being a poor people's lawyer--the profession of law requires incurring more educational debt, out of pocket expenses, and wardrobe obligations than pastors. Finding it hard to establish boundaries? You've got nothing on social workers with outrageous caseloads who cannot skip challenging or dangerous home visits.

The idea that one can have a job that is low-stress, financially comfortable, 50 or fewer hours a week, and spiritually fulfilling is naive and unrealistic for the vast majority of people. Why you should be paid more, work fewer hours, or have less stress or more familial harmony than your poorest congregants? Or your fellow servants in different fields?

You, my earnest brother, are one of those extraordinarily lucky persons whose job is his art, passion, and calling. Most people who have the goal and inclination to serve others must struggle to make room for the time to do that after working the job that pays the bills, caring for those depending on them, AND contributing their treasure, time, and talents to their church. Most people don't have the time to devote to those things about which they are passionate because all their time goes to earning a living. And while weariness and the occasional twinge of jealousy, envy, or buyer's remorse is to be expected because we are all human, you really need to be grateful that you were fortunate enough to be able to make the choice that your profession would be to serve others, your church, and God.

And if that feeling of fortune does not overwhelm the negatives, than you should find either a job that feeds you or allows you to have the lifestyle you want. If you find both, let us know. Many of us servants would flock to it.